Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
I am a gay man in his forties. I love my husband very much but two years ago we found that our mutual sexual desire was simply gone. Thanks also to the fact of having read your column for years, we were able to ask ourselves in a calm way if we wanted to stay together, in a marriage made of complicity, or to separate. We have decided to stick together and I am happy with our decision. Sex is the thing that got us arguing the most, and our relationship improved when we eliminated that source of conflict. My husband has a couple of fuck buddies to hang out with, while I mostly enjoy it on the internet (our conversation took place at the start of the pandemic and having fun online seems safer). One of the things I was able to explore last year is “findom”, financial domination. It really makes me enjoy sending money that we could have saved to younger, more attractive guys, and humiliating myself for my suffering. The fact is, almost all guys do findom I’m heterosexual. It is often part of the role they play: they are straight, attractive guys who demand money from “pathetic fags” they would never touch in real life. As much as I like to have my wallet drained by an attractive young straight guy who calls me a fag, I would rather give my money to an attractive and dominant young gay man. Why do so few gay men engage in this practice? Do young gay men realize the amount of money they give up? Could you please tell him?
–Chances Are Some Hot FinDoms Are Gay
“I don’t know why the gays who do findom are not numerous anymore,” says Master AJ, “but for sure I’m not the only one”.
AJ is a 23-year-old, sexually dominant gay man who lives, works, and drains submissive gays around the world from his home in the Pacific Northwest. He first stumbled upon the findom scene on Twitter when he was a kinky gay college student struggling to pay his rent. “I had two jobs, and even though I wasn’t desperate I thought a lot about money,” says AJ. “And so the idea of exercising control, which I already liked, and dominating someone by demanding the money they had earned from him was a huge boost.”
Most men who do findom try so hard to emphasize how straight they are that AJ sometimes asks questions. “I’ve never seen male dominators drain cisgender women,” says Master AJ. “And so, if these guys are really straight, could it be a coincidence that they stumbled upon the gay findom scene, or if they had the idea of starting to target a community they weren’t part of, in order to establish themselves?” And given the level of pleasure that many men who practice findom and call themselves straight derive from dominating gay men, “it seems plausible that at least some of these guys aren’t totally honest about their sexuality.”
Why would a gay or bisexual male findom practitioner call himself straight? Because, as AJ points out, this will make it more palatable to a significant portion of the submissive gay findom community. “There are a lot of gay men who have a fetish of being bullied by straight men,” says AJ. “And a lot of submissive gays like the idea of being subjugated by someone who will never be attracted to them. One thing I find pretty ridiculous, because being gay doesn’t necessarily mean a guy has a chance with me. ”
Then there is the question of homophobic insults in findom games and how these insults are received.
“Insults are used a lot in the findom / kink scene,” says AJ, “and they can really sound or be perceived differently depending on the sexuality of the speaker.” This means that for some gay men to be called a “fag” by a straight guy in a safe, controlled and consensual context – such as during a session to drain his money – appears more degrading (in a sexy way) than it could ever be if it was another “fag” to call him that. “But other gay men prefer gay findom practitioners because they don’t like being insulted by straight men,” says AJ.
Returning to your personal situation …
While a handful of gay findom practitioners may be pretending to be straight to attract submissive gays, CASHFAG, I believe something else is going on in your case. Specifically, financial domination and other forms of online sex work have lowered the bar of “gay for pay that the kind of straight man who would never have been able to take advantage of male gay sexual desire twenty years ago – because he would not have sex with other men in front of a camera for money – today quietly post pictures of his feet on Twitter , puts his middle finger at the camera and orders his gay followers to pay a “fag fee” for the privilege of watching him.
Just like porn stars gay for pay straight men managed (and still do) to get aroused by doing gay porn, there are straight men who do findom getting aroused. “I know I like to drain men I don’t find attractive,” says AJ. “Being dominant turns me on even though I don’t like the person. And so there may be straight males who do findom and derive some sexual satisfaction from draining gay men while remaining straight. ” And it’s easy to see why a straight male findom adept, after getting aroused during an online session of draining a submissive gay male, feels the need to point out his heterosexuality: not just to wave it in the face of his submissive, CASHFAG, but also to reassure himself.
However, even though there are more straight findom practitioners than gay, AJ’s bank account and spotless bathroom prove that you don’t have to be an attractive straight male to be a successful financial dominator. He has always been clear about his homosexuality, CASHFAG, and not just some submissive gay men around the world send him money. There are also some local gay submissive males who clean his apartment and run errands for him.
“I’ve had good experiences in this regard,” says Aj. “It has been both cost-effective and pleasant, and I have developed relationships with a lot of people, including other gay dominators. I’ve always enjoyed talking to other gay men a lot. Whether they were submissive, findom lovers or not, or simply intrigued by my profile “.
And if you really want to attract other gay men like him to the findom scene, CASHFAG, AJ suggests that you make an effort to find gay findom adepts who are already online, diligently promoting their content via “likes” and retweets and – of course – sending all the money you can reasonably save to your favorite financial dominator.
“Because when you think about it,” says AJ, “getting subjugated by a gay findom is a bit like supporting a small queer company, and it’s something we should all do.”
You can follow Master AJ on Twitter @ CashMasterAJ1.
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Many years ago, when I was a cocksucker apprentice, I made contact with a guy who said on his online profile that he was not circumcised. Being a person with a foreskin, and preferring uncircumcised people, her being intact was a plus for me. When we met, it quickly became clear that this gentleman was circumcised (not that there is anything wrong with that). Not only had his cock been shredded, but also absolutely clear and visible. When I asked him about the misinformation, he got defensive. I think about that episode from time to time when I’m looking for new and exciting cocks to play sex games with. Whenever I go looking for a cock, I inevitably find men who say they are not circumcised when they clearly are (I have attached some photos sent by men “not shredded” who, in fact, no longer have a foreskin!). The opposite also happened: men who claimed to be circumcised but who were, unequivocally, “intact”. But the latter case is much rarer than the scandalous frequency of people who falsely claim to be uncircumcised. Perhaps the expressions circumcised and uncircumcised have lost their lexical sense? Do men no longer know their own anatomy? Is it a generational or regional fact? What is happening?
–Unexplained Nomenclature Confuses Usual Terminology
I imagine it is possible that a small number of men in the world do not know whether they are circumcised or not. But I think the obvious explanation is the most likely: These men are telling you – a possible future sexual partner – what they think you want to hear. An uncircumcised dude will tell you he’s circumcised (or vice versa) because he’s convinced you prefer intact cocks (or vice versa). Then he’ll send you a picture of his real cock, essentially asking you “who do you believe in? To me or to your fallacious eyes? “. You got clouded over by dick pics, UNCUT. You got taken for the fuck.
(Translation by Federico Ferrone)
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