Whining children? 7 tips – and what parents should definitely not do

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If the child throws themselves on the ground in anger or whines out of sheer boredom, parents want relief for the offspring and themselves as quickly as possible. So they offer distraction. Why this isn’t always a good idea and how we can do it better.

Putting up with a whining child can be a big test of patience for parents. No wonder, then, that mothers and fathers are primarily interested in freeing the child from its difficult emotional situation as quickly as possible. This is where distraction comes into play. No matter whether it’s sweets, television or cell phone: when the roar is loud, we are happy that the child’s soul calms down and the noise level is reduced.

Just endure negative feelings

Sometimes there isn’t even a trigger that causes the child to roll around on the floor dissatisfied, whine, cry and let us know that nothing is right for him at the moment. So we reach into our bag of tricks, offer finger verses, want to sing funny songs or give you three favorite books to choose from.

In the spirit of “the main thing is that the whining stops,” we are ready for almost anything and often forget the most important thing: enduring boredom, bad moods or anger.

The easiest way to calm children who are in a bad mood or angry is with their smartphone or television. Especially if the tantrum happens in a restaurant or on the train, parents tend to feel ashamed and reach for their cell phone. As long as the exception doesn’t become a rule, that’s not a problem.

Children need to be able to practice managing negative feelings

US researchers have found that if moving images become common practice, it can have a significant impact on the behavior of children. Anyone who immediately offers screen time deprives their children of the opportunity to practice and consolidate their ability to deal with unpleasant situations. The resulting deficit is difficult to remedy later.

But even more educationally valuable distractions such as finger verses, singing songs or looking at books can have a negative impact on the emotional world. Although they can be effective in the situation, they also prevent self-regulation when dealing with negative feelings.

Children absolutely need the opportunity and chances to learn that they can endure and overcome negative feelings themselves. Every experience of success helps them on their way. Therefore: No matter how tempting it is to distract the whining or screaming child with a few tricks, we should take three deep breaths and go through their emotions with the child. Yes, even if the tantrum or tantrum happens in a restaurant or on the train.

7 tips to help whining children

So instead of making your fist in the bag or taking your cell phone out of your pocket, we provide 7 ideas on how you can support your children next time.

1. Formulate understanding

Explicitly tell the child that you understand that he or she is currently angry, sad, or bored. Explain to her how the situation came about and say that you are there and will go through the feelings with him until the big wave of nasty emotions is over.

2. Offer cuddles

Sit on the sofa, open your arms and offer the child to let you cuddle and pet them if they like.

3. Suggest a change of scene

Offering fresh air is a form of distraction, but certainly not wrong. It’s often a good idea to leave a scene in order to get out of the negative spiral. A walk in the fresh air can work wonders.

4. Take yourself out

We know it is extremely difficult to leave a child to fend for themselves when they are suffering. But sometimes we do the little ones the biggest favor when we just leave them alone and give them the chance to regulate themselves.

5. Offer help and support

Tell the child that you are there for him/her when he/she needs it. Say that you are happy to help, but also understand and support them if they would rather have a moment to themselves.

6. Look for solutions together

When the child is no longer completely out of control, you can offer to look together for solutions and ways to help him.

7. Keep calm

Anyone who has ever experienced an angry or whining child knows: the little ones have a lot of sniffles. It can be very challenging to stay calm yourself. But this is exactly what is of fundamental importance, especially since children orientate themselves according to their closest caregivers.

Anyone who has trouble controlling their own emotions can and should contact the parent emergency hotline, the mother and father advice center in their place of residence or other specialist offices at any time. Small things like yoga exercises, autogenic training or meditation are often enough.