I have been reading this column for many years, but before I read it as a daughter, today as a future mother. And so I can finally ask you: can you give me some advice on how to best prepare myself to be a parent?–Martina
Tim Lott was the Guardian’s family affairs columnist from 2014 to 2018. In one of his later columns, he tried to summarize what he had learned during those four years. They are useful tips for parents and future parents. “First of all, relax and do what feels right to you. There are countless approaches to parenting, marriage, child rearing. Many of these absolute truths have the expiration date of organic fruit. Family life is little like math and much more like one jam session of jazz musicians. Be gentle. If there is a secret in all relationships, it is probably this. But not too kind: being overly indulgent with children can do the same damage as neglecting them. Maintain intimacy. There are so many practical ways to do this, like putting limits on the use of technology or having at least one meal a day all together. It is essential to negotiate with the other parent, while it is not mandatory to negotiate with the children. As a wise mother once said, ‘I don’t deal with terrorists’. And finally, she agrees that she doesn’t have all the power you think she has. Sometimes you will fail as a parent, it happens to everyone, but it doesn’t matter. Children are independent beings, and then there is culture, nature and how each of them reacts to what happens to them. And you have no control over these things ”.