In 1995, years before she began collaborating on research for this column, Rena Rudavsky and her family were selected to participate in an innovative technological experiment: researchers from Carnegie Mellon University would have installed a computer in their dining room and would have it. connected to the internet. At the time, only 9 percent of Americans used the internet (in 2020 it was nearly 91 percent). Rena, who was then in her first years of high school, she remembers sitting in front of the computer every day, participating in chat rooms and surfing the web. When she finished, it was a family member of her who took her place.
Oddly, this experiment did not spark much conversation in his home. “We didn’t talk much in the dining room when the computer was on,” Rena told me via email. Furthermore, “none of us shared our private experiences on the internet with other family members”.
Rena’s experience was common, as the researchers who published the study in 1998 showed HomeNet, which has become famous today. “Increased use of the internet is associated with a decline in participants’ communication with their families” and “a decrease in the size of their social circle,” the researchers wrote. Even more troubling, this led to an “increase in depression and loneliness [dei partecipanti]”. According to Rena, his experience confirms these results.
A simpler truth
HomeNet it could be (and has been) interpreted as an indictment against the internet, screens, or modern communications technology in general. It actually illustrates a much simpler truth about love and happiness: technology that excludes interaction with others in real life reduces our well-being and therefore needs to be handled with great care in our life. To reap the full benefits, we should use digital tools in ways that improve our relationships.
The covid-19 pandemic has created a fertile environment for social connection research. Whenever the circumstances of social life suddenly change, researchers like me rush to ask annoying questions of people, with their notebooks in hand. One of the most common areas of investigation over the past couple of years has been trying to understand how our sudden mass shift to digital communication – resulting in fewer in-person encounters – has affected social connections as a whole. An article published in the journal New Media & Society, researchers reported a study of nearly 3,000 adults during the first months of the pandemic and found that email, social networking, online games and texting were inadequate substitutes for in-person interactions. . Voice calls and video calls were slightly better (although subsequent research has questioned the value of these technologies).
Substitute activities
Being socially connected is one of the keys to happiness. If this decreases, you are worse off, and the same will happen for your loved ones, especially your children. A 2014 study revealed that 62 percent of US children believe their parents are too distracted to listen to them; the number one reason is the use of the telephone by the parents.
How solitary diversions like scrolling web pages or browsing reduce social connections is clear: they are activities that replace interaction. But virtual communications, like text messages, are inherently interactive and in theory should be less harmful.
The problem is that with these technologies we lose our depth, or dimensionality. Text messages cannot convey emotions very well, because we cannot hear or see our interlocutors; the same applies to direct messages on social networks (more generally social networks are not used to communicate with a single individual, but to transmit information to a wider audience). These technologies stand to personal interactions as a black and white pixelated version of the Gioconda it is to the real one: they are identifiable, but unable to produce the same emotional effects.
Comfort and courtesy
With low-dimensional communications, we tend to jump from one person to another and thus mistake depth for breadth. That’s why in face-to-face conversations they tend to be more expansive and rich than those conducted via text. Research has shown that in-depth conversations bring more well-being than short communications. Meanwhile, a recent longitudinal study found that teens who sent more messages than their peers tended to experience more depression, more anxiety, more aggression, and worse relationships with their fathers.
It might seem strange that, even outside the circumstances imposed by the pandemic, we voluntarily adopt technologies that damage our happiness. There are two main explanations: comfort and courtesy. Vegetable in front of a screen (which nine out of ten US teenagers say they do to “pass the time”) is simply easier than talking to a person, and virtual communications such as text apps are faster and easier. a visit in person or a phone call. Think of these technologies as ready-to-use food in a convenience store – it’s not the best, but it’s certainly convenient, and after eating enough microwave-heated burrito, you forget the taste of the real thing.
With the proliferation of text messages and social networks, many people fear that communicating with others through old-fashioned communications can be complicated. I once asked one of my grown children, while she was texting a friend, why she hadn’t typed ten numbers and told him about it. “That would be rude,” he replied. In 2019, researchers found that remote-living families often favor asynchronous communications such as texting to minimize time intrusions from others. This does not mean that the trend is universal; I personally call all my kids almost every day on FaceTime (and pretend I don’t notice their annoyance).
Ditching the internet and eliminating virtual communications from life is clearly not the solution. You run the risk of isolating yourself and compromising your ability to earn a living. Research shows us, however, that we can learn to use technologies to complement, rather than replace, relationships. Here are two ways to do it.
Interacting is better than vegetating
There is nothing revolutionary about this rule: 45 years ago my parents told me to go out with my friends instead of watching television. The difference today, in addition to the fact that television did not fit in your pocket, lies in the empirical evidence: today we know that, if practiced in excess, solitary and on-screen distraction reduces happiness and can lead to mood disorders such as depression. and anxiety.
To abandon suboptimal habits, you can use the device options that count the time spent on social networks and on the internet, and limit yourself to one hour per day or less. Another popular approach, which has not yet been tested by academic research, is to change device settings from a color to a grayscale display. My son has done this and swears he has greatly reduced the time he spends vegetating.
Create a communication hierarchy
It is unreasonable to expect someone to stop texting, but this tool is less likely to be used if you have an “order of operations” to talk to friends, colleagues and loved ones. Whenever possible, meeting in person should be privileged, especially with close friends. A 2021 study, published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior Reports, revealed that the more people communicate face-to-face with their partners, the more they feel understood and the more satisfied they are with their relationship. When it is impossible to meet, choose a technology that involves face-to-face contact or the telephone. Only text or use similar technologies for impersonal or urgent matters.
The formative experiment that Rena underwent in adolescence led her to reflect deeply on the effects of the internet and impacted on the use she made of technology throughout her life. She had a Facebook profile at university, but she deleted it after she graduated and she never went back. Avoid other social networks and her children are not on the internet.
By today’s standards, his life may seem outdated. His daughter knocks on the doors of the neighbors to visit him. His family members sit on the porch after dinner, chatting with each other and with passers-by. He writes and sends paper letters. And when he uses technology, he uses it as a complement to his relationships, not to replace them: for example, he keeps a group of messages for parents active, but only to organize in-person activities.
For most of us – especially the people who grew up with it – the internet is an indisputable part of the ecosystem of life, creeping into every crevice and crack regardless of our conscious decisions. We will not go back to the life we lived before with this type of technology, of course. However, we can and must use it carefully in the service of love.
(Translation by Federico Ferrone)