There are loneliness ministries in some countries, the federal government recently approved a strategy paper with more than 100 measures to combat loneliness, and a Northern Irish pub touched millions in the run-up to Christmas with a video about a lonely old man. Do we have a loneliness problem?
Studies point to an increasing number of people who constantly feel lonely, says Susanne Bücker from the University of Witten/Herdecke. This is not only depressing for the psyche, but can make you seriously ill physically. “Loneliness is definitely a major health risk.”
A US study presented in the specialist magazine “PNAS” shows that persistent loneliness in middle age is associated with noticeably increased mortality in later years. The feeling has an impact on, among other things, blood pressure, memory aging and the cardiovascular system. “Loneliness is a growing public health problem worldwide,” says the research team led by Lindsay Kobayashia from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor (USA).
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A few years ago, a meta-analysis of almost 150 studies worldwide presented in “PLOS Medicine” showed that people who are satisfied with the quality and quantity of their social relationships live longer on average. The risk of death from loneliness is therefore comparable to that of risk factors such as smoking; a variety of processes in the body and behavior are influenced. And just recently, a Scottish study published in BMC Medicine showed that never being visited by friends or relatives is associated with an increased risk of death.
On New Year’s Eve, many resolve to live healthier or do more exercise, says Bücker, professor of developmental psychology and educational psychology. Maintaining social relationships is at least as important. “It’s a good idea to resolve to check in with friends and family regularly in 2024.”
In the Christmas video from “Charlie’s Bar” in Northern Ireland, an old man brings flowers to a grave and later meets people who spontaneously join him and spend the evening with him. But loneliness is by no means just a phenomenon of old age.
Higher loneliness levels with increased cell phone use
Quelle: picture alliance / CHROMORANGE
According to data from the recently presented Pisa study with data from 2022, a good twelve percent of 15-year-olds in Germany feel lonely at school. And in an analysis in North Rhine-Westphalia (NRW) in September and October, around 16 to 18 percent of the 16 to 20 year old respondents said they were very lonely. The range is due to the fact that a distinction was made according to gender and two types of loneliness – emotional and social.
Very little is currently known about feelings of loneliness in children, says Susanne Bücker. Your team is currently looking for participants for a study on this. “We are also interested in whether parents can perceive their children’s feelings of loneliness well enough and how children’s social relationships are related to their self-esteem and health.”
“If one in five to eight young people mostly feels lonely, then that’s a surprising number,” emphasizes Bücker about the data available so far. Particularly worrying: “Anyone who is lonely as a young person has a high risk of remaining lonely later in life.”
Frequent use of cell phones
In addition, friends are extremely important development aides on the way to adulthood, adds psychologist Horst Heidbrink from the International University in Hamburg. “They are necessary for the slow separation from the parental home.” Franz Neyer from the Psychology Institute at the University of Jena says: “You need friends to find yourself.”
But why do so many young people feel lonely? To some extent, these are probably still the after-effects of the contact restrictions during the corona pandemic, says Bücker. However, given the high level of adaptability at this age, it cannot be ruled out that these effects will disappear again.
In addition, other influencing factors can be assumed. “We found that those who stated that they had financial problems in their household were also more likely to be lonely,” said Maike Luhmann from the University of Bochum about the results in North Rhine-Westphalia. Excessive use of cell phones, computers, etc. is also associated with higher loneliness levels among younger people.
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Even if digital worlds often promise this: “Research does not show that a relationship can be maintained entirely without physical proximity,” says Neyer. Psychologist Heidbrink is also convinced that personal meetings are necessary, especially at the beginning. After that, a contact can definitely be kept online. “Simply talking on the phone often isn’t detrimental to friendships.”
It is important to seek contact regularly. Because one thing is clear: friendships, probably the best remedy for loneliness, don’t just last. “I have to invest in a friendship, it’s not a sure-fire success,” emphasizes Neyer. Building a friendship takes time, and it has to be maintained on both sides. “Even in our very old and very intimate friendships, we always pay attention to a balance of give and take,” says Horst Heidbrink. “Even if we are the ones who benefit more, it also makes us uncomfortable in a friendship.”
As life progresses, the emotional gain from friendships becomes more and more important to a person, adds Neyer. This is one reason why the network of friends often thins out as we get older. The risk factors for this also include drastic life events such as moving, divorce, widowhood and retirement, says Bücker. Single parents are more likely to be affected by loneliness, as are people who care for relatives. Poverty is also a major risk.
Lonely in marriage
Other factors include shift work and – in its now widespread form – working from home. “It is underestimated how important the little chat in the hallway or in the office kitchen is for well-being,” says Heidbrink. “For most people, a combination of presence and home office is certainly the healthier solution.”
Friendships are also made in the office – but not nearly to the same extent as during school and college, as Bücker says. “It is therefore important and good to build up social relationships at a young age that will carry you into old age.” This is also because it is usually more difficult to find new friends and to find a way out of loneliness as you get older.
Membership in clubs, volunteer work and parenthood are helpful. “Among other things, because new friendships are often made through the children.” Marriage, on the other hand, can, but does not have to, be helpful in seeing oneself well embedded socially. “Married people can also be very lonely,” explains Heidbrink. Conversely, being alone should in no way be equated with loneliness.
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The number of friendships necessary for well-being is as subjective as the feeling of loneliness: should it be five or better 15? There is no generally valid optimum for this, as experts emphasize. “Most people can’t answer spontaneously when asked how many friends they have,” Heidbrink points out. “We don’t call some relationships friendships, even though they actually are – with relatives, for example.” Conversely, there are friendships that are based purely on business interests and are not necessarily sustainable.
“Having one or two friendships is no worse than having many,” emphasizes Neyer. The assessment of the circumstances under which one feels well integrated socially varies subjectively depending on one’s personality.
The day-to-day fleeting contacts often play a surprisingly large role in this, explains Bücker. The smile of the cashier at the checkout, the short conversation with the neighbor on the street, the friendly greeting of passers-by while walking: “So-called ones weak ties have an amazing potential to increase satisfaction with one’s social life.”
Good urban planning is necessary
Heidbrink also emphasizes that it is not just intimate, close friendships that protect us from feelings of loneliness. Everyday acquaintances and normal daily encounters contribute greatly to this. “You don’t always have to bare your soul to others to be happy with your social life.”
People used to have a chat with the owners of small shops or meet in a café – now many of the small shops are no longer there and, especially for seniors, their pensions often no longer allow for coffee and cake in the café. The Solitude Competence Network offers advice and tips for meeting places, Bücker said – possibly with offers for the respective place of residence.
The research team of the current “PNAS” study is convinced that targeted measures are needed. According to Bücker, studies show that loneliness levels are lower where there are more parks and free public spaces. “So urban planners have a lot of influence. Some people are already putting these shoes on.” They specifically planned meeting places for new neighborhoods and settlements. However, especially with the current housing shortage, it is not that easy to establish such places – or even to maintain existing ones.
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